Roswell, NM

We were in the backseat, drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar. “I rent a place on Cornelia Street…” I say casually in the car.

Taylor Swift, Cornelia Street

When I was little, I remember thinking kids who ran away just needed a stick with all their valued possessions tied to it in a blanket. This trip always feels like I’m running away and except for my cats, I was sure to only pack the essentials. I’ve never found myself to be good at packing- either bringing too little or so much that it looks like I asked one of my cats to pack for me. I don’t have that problem when I’m packing for Roswell, NM. It’s about halfway between us, Roswell that is. The place with the kitschy alien museums and attractions. A paradise for that tourist in your life who loves extraterrestrials and all things out of this world. There is a Subway on the corner of the main street that helps me remember not to miss my turn. I’m always thankful for it because I rather daydream than navigate. The place where peace can finally be found once again. The tormented cycle of daily life always leads back to his arms, where I can let out that breath that carries my worries in a nice little blanket (on a stick).

This is the second time we have rented this little cottage located in a town nobody thinks to visit. It just so happens to be an (almost) middle point between myself and my boyfriend of (almost) a year. He drives three hours to get here and I drive two. It’s here we can hug each other tight and remind ourselves exactly what we are fighting for. Long distance is not something for the weak of heart but when I’m at my weakest all I have to do is think of him.  I think of how lucky I am to not have to wonder how he feels about me. If this feeling were a color it would be a cool-toned pink with flecks of gold. I pull into the driveway and wait patiently to hear the gravel crunch and see his truck parked next to mine. The world is beautiful again because he is in it and he’s in front of me smiling. I smile back, knowing he likes my smile and he likes me. That will always be more than enough.

Winery, photography, vulnerability and did I mention wine?

The unassuming town of Roswell, New Mexico, is precisely that: unassuming.  When I tell people that I practically vacation there I am always met with some looks of pity, others boredom. “Oh yes, the town with the alien stuff?” I never find offense because they technically aren’t wrong. Wayne and I went all up and down that main street the first time we visited last Spring and it was exactly what you would expect. Informational, kind of silly, an experience you must have at least once in your life I bought a XXL shirt at one of the shops across the street and wore it to bed with fond memories. I finally got to try freeze-dried Skittles while a local gave us tips on what we should do next. Among the various shops, there are many hidden gems, anywhere from literal rocks and gemstones to cool Lego towns. We walked hand in hand for hours the first time we came here, even as the heat beat down on us. 

The second time around we focused more on being with each other. There’s a winery about a five-minute walk from our Airbnb that we went to for lunch one day and were pleasantly surprised to find a live jazz band playing. Live music in general is very romantic but nothing beats jazz. The guy singing sounded just like the frog from Over The Garden Wall. We drank lots of wine and did a cookout on the grill in the yard of our Airbnb- jalapeno poppers, shrimp kabobs, chips with queso and salsa, and watermelon-peach macaroons for dessert. To end the night we watched Monsters Inc. Anyone who knows me knows I am a fiend for Disney movies… they don’t always realize that while I love those movies, I rarely dare to watch them alone. My heart dreads the sad parts too much. I’m learning that in life we must endure the sad so that we can get to the happy. So we can appreciate the happiness- and the journey it took for us to get there.

Wayne told me he was going to pack his fancy camera so we could take pictures for my website and so the final night we were together that is just what we did. If there was one thing I needed to be photographed, it was this white gate in the backyard. A striking image, it perfectly summed up the beauty I see in what Roswell has to offer. I must admit I relate to this myself, the idea that not everyone will see all you have to offer, but the people in your life who truly matter will meet you where you are and love you as who you are. It usually scares me to be in front of the camera but with Wayne I knew it would be okay. 

I woke up the morning we had to go home to the news that Taylor Swift had played one of my favorite songs, Cornelia Street. Mexico won. That is one of the best songs Taylor has ever written… and that’s saying something. It perfectly captures the feeling of loving someone so much that you know losing this person would leave you with pain that even time wouldn’t be able to mend. I think it’s beautiful to romanticize heartbreak like that, I think it helps me cope.

I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends. I’d never go to Roswell again.

The biggest takeaway from a trip of this nature is not what you buy while you’re there or the places you choose to go to, it’s the moments you spend intentionally with the people you love. I’ve always seen my love language as being able to have a deep talk with someone. I’m always going to see Roswell as a place where you have the opportunity to get to know someone better. You see them as they truly are- a person with hopes and dreams, fears and flaws, authenticity you can’t recreate. The heart of what I’m trying to say is… It feels so good to be seen. To be seen with a warm light shining on both of us. To stand in front of the camera of life and not shy away from the rigid and pointy edges of a broken heart. To love- even when you are afraid. That’s what I’m going to keep doing. Our little cottage in Roswell, NM will be waiting for us and who knows what’s in store until then? A fresh page on the desk, that’s us. Filling in the blanks as we go.